the little things called smiles

amidst the frenzy of diwali cleaning and shopping and everything else, it suddenly occurred to me what a subjective thing pleasure is. two people, in the same state of mind, both happy and yet they can be happy about different things. yes, we have heard a lot about perspective and this is similar but i feel, mostly these little things go unnoticed. in most cases, its the little things that bring a smile to our faces and those are the ones that are the most diverse. they define happiness for man and their meaning changes every second. and yet, they will always be these little things that will make you smile, no matter what- smell of food from kitchen when you are hungry, phone ring when you feel lonely, the deserted trail in the central park that no one seems to notice but strangely makes you smile always- and the list goes on.
no one ignores these little things cuz they bring those involuntary smiles, the smiles of the most genuine nature that carve themselves, with no effort required. these are the genuine curves of lips that are not a mask to hide another emotion or a brave face to show to the world, they are those little cherubic gifts that come to you in your moments with yourself, whether you are alone or not, in the moments when you are thinking just of you and nothing else.
take a moment and think about these little things around you that have always brought those lovely smiles on and you probably didn't realize.
i just realized a lot of things on my list and i was honestly surprised with some of the things :P you'd be too if you realized things like paper bags, sign of sale at my favorite shoe store, sight of wet ink on paper, get the same color with a friend on a 'super jinx', coffee mugs and many more can make you smile :)
go ahead. make your list. you'd be amazed too. and at end of the list, add another thing 'the list' cuz, trust me, you are sure to smile everytime you looked at the list. 

tale of every girl *sigh*

every girl needs her love story. thats the plain truth. no matter how hard they try to deny it, no matter what she looks like on the exterior, somewhere inside her is that little girl who has grown up thinking about a love story one day. blame it on the romantic love stories we have grown up watching. i remember feeling goosebumps when i saw raj fighting for simran on that station and i was five then! ever since then, there has been on thing or the other. and as if the movies werent enough, there are romantic novels that have love stories of ever lasting love. and you cant really blame me for that. there is a girl out there who finds a random bottle on beach and ends up with a guy who loves her crazily. sure, he dies eventually but she does spend some time being loved like sunshine! there is even one sending her letters from the dead! sure you can switch the tv off and shut down the book and dump it far end corner of your drawer and then, your friends walk in with their tales of being swooned by someone! what is a girl supposed to do then? there is nothing better and worse than a real life full on love story and someone like me who hears at least five of them daily in different stages, life is not that easy.
and just when i thought i was the only one left all alone in this big bad world, i realized something. now i know that at end of the day, in every girl lies that hope that someday she will find a guy who will love her for what she is. true? i dunno. i am still to find that out but i am just amazed at it. i had thought i had snubbed that little girl me into a little nook somewhere, never to emerge again. or maybe she had just left. but i realized she didnt. she was here, all the time. and so is she inside every woman out there. every girl is looking for her love story if she hasnt found one yet. no matter how, no matter where, the sense of being the one thought about, being cared and loved and most importantly being important is what every girl wishes for and certainly deserves. does every girl find it? i wish i could say yes. does any girl ever give up the hope? hell no!!! even the career oriented modern girls who dont want a man to support them do want a man to go on with them through life. the idea of a love story is different for every girl, for sure but it is there in every girl's heart.
so if you are a girl, thinking about your love story and at times frustrated with your undying hope of finding someone who will love and care for you like you mean everything to him then dont be. you are not the only one :)
and for those who have already found one, cheers!!!! 

hues of purple

she sat on the rocks. the beach was a little off the mainland. the usual crowd of late evening beach walkers was out of her sight. she could only hear faint echoes from distance that too only when she wished to. the setting sun cast an orange glow everywhere. hues of purple sneaked around the edges of orange beams as if trying to break free, eager to take over the reigns. purple had always been her favorite color. she liked purple. she wished it would take over the orange soon. orange and yellow set the horizon alight. even in the late evening when sun was just a smoldering rock, burning from within, it cast its glow everywhere. skyline looked like it was on fire. the waters in distance seemed eager for sun to set, waiting to relieve it from the burns. water and sun had always seemed like an odd couple to her. yes she always thought they were together even though sun looked down upon water whole day long, daring it to try and reach it. water made feeble attempts but they were always too half hearted. water didn't want to touch the sun. it just lay there waiting for sun to give up and come to it. at end of everyday when sun was burnt and worn out, water would welcome it with its soothing coolness and sigh in relief itself.

a kid shrieked in delight somewhere and her thoughts drew away from sun and water. purple had taken over a lot of orange by now and stars were beginning to make an appearance. she realized the sounds were coming from the people on beach just around the curve of rocks she was sitting on. it occurred to her for the first time that the sounds came rather loud. loud, clear and constantly. she couldn't go back to her thinking anymore, not with all the noise. but she didn't mind it. in fact she welcomed the noise. it was always too quiet anyways. sometimes she preferred noise to take over the silence. it wasn't the best melody but it worked. it wasn't his voice calling her name but its wasn't his silence either, pushing her away.

she had liked the silence before, hated it sometime else but now she had just stopped battling it. for the past six years, she had fought with silence and always lost. she had resigned to its victory. when, she didn't remember exactly. all she knew was that even though she had resented the silence with bitterness initially, it had been the most faithful companion she had. after the ashes had settled, tears had dried, petunias had given up the fight and left, mugs had sat in the sink, paints had chipped away, charades had fallen- silence had stayed behind to keep her company.

the sky was black now. stars had taken the center stage and moon had come out with that expectant look, trying to catch water's attention. but ocean was silent now. it rested with its sun. she could sense how water felt pleased with the sun despite all the searing pain it received at its hands. moon in all its glory was no comparison for the pleasure sun could give it.

she looked up at the sky one last time and smiled.he had always said solitude was something to be enjoyed. she had never understood it before. the idea of being alone by choice had always seemed preposterous in her world that had him. now she understood though. solitude could be enjoyed, out of choice. she smiled at him looking down with that smug look he always had when he was right. she shook her head and stood up.
giving one last glance to the ocean that smiled in peace now, she walked away. leaving behind a trail of footsteps in the mud that vanished as soon as they appeared, she let the silence take her over again... 

phases that are...

well, I believe that in life, if there is one thing that will change with every passing minute, it is a relationship, perhaps because people in it are changing or may be it is part of the entire circle for these changes to occur. but yeah, for sure, there are these phases that every relationship will definitely go through.
every relationship, no matter how long it lasts or how close it gets starts with that first glance, sometimes a careless sweep across the room, sometimes a lingering look and in rare cases an image that remains in your head  for a long time after the actual person has gone. thats where it all starts and what follows is a beginning. thats probably the best part of a relationship where two people are just getting to know each other, warm, cordial, friendly. thats the part where, if the connection is actually there, those two people would sometimes even go out of the way to make things nice and they would like going out of the way.
what comes next is the phase when those people begin to get to know each other for real, the deeper layers to find out what lies underneath the mask. thats when they actually begin to get comfortable. and then comes a time when these people are actually comfortable with each other, thats the phase where they dont pretend to be super nice for sake of being nice, they actually like being nice. and definition of nice changes as well. of course, some galiyan may become a part of your lingo along with other insults but the bond is deeper and better than ever before.
what comes next is what i believe the real test of every relationship, its the part where two peole are so comfortable with each other that they start expecting, they expect the other person to be there, to understand. sometimes these expectations dont come true and thats when it hurts like hell. but once in a while, you meet a person who will pleasantly surprise you by meeting all these expectations and some more.
but sometimes, the problem is not not finding that person who will pass all these phases with you but passing these phases together. its about how well you can acclimate to these changes, before they get to you or what those two people have between each other.
my problem has been that i have resisted all these changes at some point or the other, i have tried to avoid them, intentionally or unintentionally. and the transition is something i always find tough to happen. i have always found myself either a phase ahead or behind of the other person, well not always but in most cases. i have lost people to these phases but i have also known people who have held my hand and walked me through it.  i have also known that what comes after these transitions is totally worth all the confusion and utter nonsensical stuff that i go through.
so cheers to all these changes, cheers to all these phases, cheers to everything that comes and goes cuz in end what matters is not where you reached but what you went through cuz life was never meant to be a destination, it was always a journey... 

my pastry tale...

well new year, as in the new year moment came and went. and with it came lots of other things, the nostalgia, the hope for future, the anticipation, the fun with friends, the crazy partying and the new year resolutions. i know many people don't believe in new year resolutions anymore but i do. and so, i made a new year resolution to do one good deed every day. now before you people go getting ideas about the sinner that i am, i have to tell i am a very good person *smiles*. but i wanted to do a deliberate good deed everyday. little did i have idea that i would be tested for my mettle so early into the year. i wont lie, i had thought a smile to a stranger, helping someone cross the road and stuff like that would suffice my good deed quota for the day. but first day of the year and i am asked to do one of the toughest things any person in my situation could have been asked to do.
now, anyone who has ever been even slightly in love with the dark beauty will appreciate the extent of sacrifice i made when i did what i did. so this is what happened. new year means celebrations and no celebrations for me are complete without chocolate. yes, u got it right, the ecstasy of the dark beauty with its charm, lazed with desire and a lust for more and more- chocolate is an obsession. but what do you do when luck bestows you with a chance to enjoy in its company more than what you paid for and your stupid conscience starts nagging you!?!? you let your conscience take over. thats what i did *bows head for all the sympathies coming in*
scene- room full of people in state of shock and dismay and incredulity
place- our living room
IP- where are the pastries?
me- there are loads of others in that box over there. but there is one chocolate pastry. bakery didn't have anymore. and thats for me. so everyone, back away *brandishes a fork*
sorabh- you mean the one in that little brown box you put away the moment you came in? 
me- yes. why, what did you do? * looks with shock and horror*
sorabh-i, err, i umm * looks at the fork in his hand*
me- YOU DID NOT!!!! *falls exasperated*
radhu- *laughs* well i should get started with my pastries in the meanwhile *smug look*
radhu, di and IP all huddle close to the pastry box while i stand glaring at sorabh with look of betrayal and disbelief in my eyes. suddenly, china crashes, a wave of shock goes across the room. radhu shrieks and di has no clue what to do.
me- what?!?!
IP- you are going to love me for this. there is another chocolate pastry in here *smiles broadly and makes way for me to look at it*
and there it was, sitting innocently, smiling up at all of us, with its large nuts gleaming in the lights abover our heads. i lowered my hand to pick it up and
radhu - didnt we pay for just one? they must have made a mistake and given us extra stuff. 
me- so? they made an honest mistake. forget it, lets indulge *takes a step towards the pastry*
IP- radhu is right. we should pay for it. or give it back
sorabh- am out of dough. 
everyone nods agreement. 
me-this means we are going to have to take it back??? *looks horror stuck*
IP- i think yes *pats me sympathetically while i look like on verge of tears*
after much discussion and lots of jabs at my conscience and million reminders about my good deed of the day resolution, emotional blackmailing about the job that the employee of the pastry shop might lose (no one loses their job over a pastry but my friends tried that on me and it worked). we took the pastry back

scene II- me, radhu and IP stand at the counter with me clutching the box of pastry like my long lost child
location- pastry shop
IP begins to speak and i try holding him back for one last time but in vain.
IP- someone here must have made a mistake. we got extra stuff so we are here to return it.
owner- oh, right. thank you so much. *smiles broadly*
everyone looks at me cuz clearly it was my turn to do the inevitable. i extend the box with a trembling hand. it touches his hand and before i know, my grip is loosening while he is closing in on it with his vice like grip (control! gimme a second, its still a painful memory). and finally, i let go or IP makes me let go
owner- thank you so much
everyone turns to go but i keep standing
owner- *looks confusedly* thank you so much ma'm *smiles another one of his toady smiles*
me- err, right. no worries. we shall go now. thanks. 
and  turn away, with that one last look to that box. i could imagine the pastry smiling at me in an empathetic manner, smiling at the brief, smiling at the change of fate that happened. i walk out of the shop to be applauded by my friends for the heroic deed i did. we hug and come back home.

that was the tale of my
'good deed of the day'. needless to say, i filled my entire quota of good deeds to last me whole year before i have to give up something like that.
lesson learnt- new year resolutions should always come with conditions applied*
DISCLAIMER: i know its long but keeping it shorter would have meant disrespect to memory of the beloved truffle. i hope people can estimate  the sentiments. i am open to sympathies :| also, some of it might be over dramatization of the events but rest of it is absolutely true and unplugged.