you can't know everything in the world. whatever happens, you'll die a fool
-Cancer Ward, Alexander Solzehnitsyn
the title was for me. so before you feel there is a case of false advertising, you might as well skip this. well anyways, moving on...
yeah, life's a bitch. or maybe not. to be frank, its just easier to call it that. gives you a scapegoat. but then, its not all that easy. its just another thing, like every other thing on this planet. sometimes good, sometimes not. but the thing is, unlike other things, you cant run from life. so might as well live it well. or not, whatever.
in my life, there are things i want to tell people. and myself. and while it will be too scandalous to tell them upfront ( i am a scaredy cat and its too much drama, honestly), i am going to say it here. also, these are the things i feel i need to be told time to time. so this means i can come back here whenever i need a renewal of the lesson and feel better.
1. death kills. everything else is life. and you have got to live it. and as much as most of us might have wanted at times, things like grief, guilt, disappointment or anger will not kill you. and you will have to live, unless you die ofcourse. and truth is, humans can live with anything. frankly, until death comes, they dont have much choice either. so its that living that every human wants to make easier. and its then when having someone to make things easier matters. ofcourse, you wont die without them. but having them might make just a slight difference.
2. life is hard. you have problems. turn around, someone's living through deeper shit than you are. this doesnt mean you have to seek respite in the fact that someone's slugging it worse than you. it means, stop whining and shut up.
3. talking is not a solution for many things, almost all. just talking wont get you anywhere. but sometimes, it makes enough difference to give you strength for that next step.
4. no matter how big problems others have, they are not yours. no matter how much you sympathize with them, you will still turn around and walk back into your world. no one dies over another person's problem. so even if your problem isnt as big as the next person, it is your problem at end of the day. and if you are worried, tensed, worked up or just plain pissed at it, its yours. just dont make it another person's. you are allowed to sulk though.
5. you might not ask much from life. you could ask very little. it could look like you are asking very little. but somedays, even that will seem like hard to come by. what are you going to do about it? live through the day and wait for the morning when it will again seem within reach. works. trust me.
6. you can be weak. there will be days when you will need help. you might seek it. you might expect to get it. mostly, its simpler to just ask for it. but some days, just one of those days, you'd fool yourself and wish someone would understand on their own. asking for it would be simpler, yes, but not the same. if you retract, dont be hard on yourself. you made that choice, live through it. you can. if you still go ahead and ask, dont feel guilty. you did what you had to. life moves on either way. so suck it up.
7. if you want to be happy, go ahead and do it. and i am not talking about silver-lining-and-sunshine-and-daisies-happy. i am talking about just-get-through-the-damn-day-without-biting-someone's-head-off happy, and frankly, thats all you need. and thats your personal fight, no one else's. do whatever it takes to make that happen. and if you choose not to do something that makes you happy, find peace in that. thats your only hope then cuz at end of the day, with all the fretting and sulking, you are the only one who will have to put up with the sulking bitch in mirror. might as well not piss her off even more. better for you ;)
8. perfection is a sham. there is nothing that fits everything. too good to be true doesnt happen. if its there, its true. and if its too good, smile. and look around. there's going to be a catch. there will be rusty corners, conditions applied, fine print- reality. it can still be good. but soon you will realize, everything good needs to be worked upon. you just have to see if you are willing enough.
9. invest in yourself. sure, go ahead, make friends, help someone out, live with others. but not at your cost. amidst being the good person everyone wants as a friend, dont forget you are your best friend. take that one step for you, no matter what it is. go and work with mine kids and help homeless. but after you have done everything you wanted to do for everyone else, do that one little thing for yourself. i am not saying you are pathetically selfless. i am saying just dont expect someone else to do what you are doing for someone else. you have your reasons. others might not share them.
you are not a bad person, but then not many people are. you are just a little screwed up but then most people are. if you think about it, mostly, people are just too scared for themselves to actually worry about others. and these confused, scared, lost people form confused, scary, lost relationships with each others. once in a while, just once in a while, two people will be confused, scare and lost in a way to actually be confused, scared and lost together. but then that happens so rarely, relax, you are no worse than others. please don't whine :)
