my first tag!!!

alright, now i can do this tag. cant tell you how glad i am to be able to do this. think i am over reacting, naah!! look from my side of world, it is a big deal!!!!
anyways, coming back to the tag, seven things no one knows about me. so here they go...

1. i do lot of self talking, and not mental talk. i mean a full dialogue, aloud sometimes, sometimes not. and this has earnt me quite some stares, weird looks, pointing and some sniggers too. but, cant help it. so ppl either back off or just laugh your way away! i dont give a damn!

2. i have only had chocolate as an ice cream flavour my entire life. believe it or not, but its true. never even tasted strawberry, vanilla covers dipped in choco sauce, black currant never! yes ofcourse, chocolate varies in types- choco chip, almond, nuts or plain. but that was implied, wasnt it!

3. i can never stay awake past eleven. and if i do, i get hungry around 11:30, without fail. no matter wen i had my dinner, last snack or anything. past eleven, i am bound to get hungry once!

4.i genuinely feel i do a great job at containing my temper. i wish my sis would believe it but she doesnt. trust me wen i say,if i said aloud all the things that went through my mind, i would be a lot less liked person. but since no one can know wat goes on between me and my prick of a conscience, no one would believe me! hmph!

5. i went up to my principal once and told him his latest found style of moustache doesnt suit him much. and believe it or not, he got rid of it the next day. i am telling this here cuz as much i would have liked to be known for such heroic act, i was lost as just a friendly student who had courage to tell her princi about his bad style. and that too went to my sir's credit for making his students so comfortable with him. no hard feelings, i just want the world to know that i am that heroic girl!!!

6. alright, this is good one. i was genuinely surprised to see myself in the mirror for the first time!! (as a little kid, ofcourse) now i am pretty used to the same face. but it had been quite a surprise for the first time. dont ask me how i remember wat it was like wen i saw myself for the first time in mirror, i wont tell that!!!!!! ;)

7.alright, i dont have a 7th point. but i have already blurted out too much. i don think you guys could take any more of secret unravelling s!!!

so people, now you know so much more!!!! cheer up, guys, this is a privilege and not everybody gets it!!!!!!

so now as per the rules, i have to tag 7 more people but i really cant think of 7 people. so as a cheat code, i am gonna ask just 4 ppl!
Bluntedges- i think he has a great sense of humour. i love his style of writing, conversational and casual. thats the kind i like to read.

Apparently intellectual- doesnt make sense to tag her cuz i do know a lot about her already. but this for sake of other readers!! (see my halo??? )

Hary- i really like the way he writes, his comments are genuine and well, among the first ones. and in my dictionary, that means a lot. so write away, hary! m waiting!

Multimenon- he writes well and it would be fun to know his secrets!!

i would have liked to tag Annie, but since she's already been tagged, she could skip this one from me!!!
so people, write away. let your friends know all your (atleast 7) of your deepest darkest secrets!!! so lucky ppl, here are the rules-

1) List 7 things about yourself that nobody know.

2) Pass on this award to 7 other people.

3) Comment on their blog and let them know that they are tagged.

(excuse the copy paste job!! :) jeez, i am in a good mood)

paths long lost

she was tapping the steering wheel. it was a nuisance of a habit, especially when she was anxious and no mater how much she tried to contain herself, the anxiety was too much to hold. it was a short drive and she didnt know if that bothered her more or made things better for her. jeez, it had been long. almost ten months. she hadnt seen him, not heard from him until the previous week and today, all of a sudden, she was gonna meet him. she had fantasised about this moment for ages and when finally that moment came, she had no clue if she was happy, worried, anxious, tensed or any other emotion cuz somehow whatever she was going through at that moment, she had never felt before.

she stopped at a signal. waiting impatiently, she got thinking about the day when she met him for the first time. that first time and she was smitten. initially it had felt like a simple urge to be someone's friend, then as to friend's teasings, it became a 'crush'. but she had no clue, when in all those years, that little spot of concern changed to love. she remembered the first time she realised she was in love. she had been scared. love had not felt anything like it shud have. no violins, no sunny days, no daisies and butterflies, no constant smile on hre face. nothing at all! if anything, love was constant trial for her, constant pain, constant effort. something was wrong somewhere obviously, but she never let her mind to much talking when it came to him. and her heart, well, it always got her into trouble.
even that day, when he got mad at her, left her, wished she had never come into his life while she prayed all day to be able to be a part of his life forever, even that day, all her heart did was cry for him, not because of him. yes, her heart always got her into trouble.
she wondered, if todays was gonna be similar. but turning all those thoughts aside, she felt today wont be the same. today everything was going to be different, today she would get to say all that she had wanted to say for five years. yes, five long years, she had kept this to herself, through his relationship and breakup with other people, all that time her heart had been yearning for him. but today, she was gonna tell him ho wmuch she loved him, she still loved him and always will. and even though over last couple of months she had convinced herself to the contrary, last week, his very name on phone brought back emotions like swarms of flies. yes, today was finally gonna be a happy moment.

cars behind her were honking like crazy. signal had turned green and people were beginning to wonder that the driver had fainted or something. she hurriedly moved on, mumbling apologies. outside the cafe, she checked herself in the mirror twice, cut off the engine and sat in car quietly. this was it. and yet it didnt feel like that. her heart was going crazy, er crazier. for one wild moment, she wanted to turn away and run. but her feet ditched her. love was too powerful. what was going through her mind, she had no clue. where was she going, she had no clue either. she wasnt aware of her surroundings, of anyone except that face she wanted to look at for so long now, that face which she was sure would smile to look at her. how could it now, he sounded genuinely excited to meet her, desperate, happy. apologetic for his behaviour, probably not. but she didnt want that either. being able to see him again was too much for her.
and finally she saw him. sitting at corner table, in that peach shirt, he looked just like he did ten months ago. it had been so long and yet didnt feel that way. this was crazy. this didnt make any sense. he looked up and a smile cracked on his face, she smiled back. her heart melted sooner than ice cream on a hot june day at sight of that smile. what followed was bizarre. one moment she was smiling, next mo, she wanted to cry. she was totally out of her mind. perhaps she hadnt brought her mind with her. made sense, it was heart;s job, mind was not needed!!! he stood up as she reached the table, with a warm handshake. unsure what to say. she didnt know what would take him aback less- 'i missed u like crazy, dont ever leave me again' or 'i love you like crazy, dont ever leave me again'. they both just looked at each other. alright, she couldnt contain it any longer. 'um, p....' before she could say his name, he stood up. she looke up to see.
before she could gather her senses, he said, 'you are late, as usual!!!! by the way, meet her. this is payal, my friend from school, best friend from school! and payal, meet her. she is rohini, my girlfriend. love of my life!'

she wasnt sure about next but somewhere a glass shattered....



P.S. extremely sorry for such a long post. if there are people who left midway, i understand. although you wont be able to see my apology either. good/bad attempt, i dunno. just wanted to write it. and since i have already written such a long post, i guess i don not really deserve to bore people with a tag that is my first one, thanks to our very dear Buckingfastard. maybe next time!!! :)

P.P.S. sorrry for equally long P.S.

quiditch!!

okay, i know the title says quiditch, so for all the HP fans who came here expecting something in that regard, my apologies. but since you are here, might as well go ahead....
well, anyone who has read or seen HP book/movie knows about Harry's passion for his game. but he'd also know of Ron's plight of having a super famous friend as best buddy. sometimes it was cuz Harry had a reason for being so famous, but at other times, it was plain, well, umm i dont know, hype perhaps.. alright, i am not here to disect HP series. my point is that i kinda understand wat Ron wud have felt like living constantly in shadow of a friend who was, alright, better than him, but at times, didnt deserve everything he got. especially when he was trying to make it in Quiditch(see, my title had some relation with the post!! )
well, my point here is that i know wats its like living with a famous friend.. i did it in school for four long years. and now, its again the same story.. maybe i have a knack for attracting really famous people [8)]. but it has its negatives too.. you have friends who u meet after ages and they might forget to ask u how r u doing, but they sure wont forget to ask 'so wats up with her???' God, if thats how interested u were in her, shud've made an effort to keep in touch. i was on verge of putting my status 'I shall not entertain any queries about another soul. kindly look for some other source!!'

however infuriated i might sound though, surprisingly thats not the thing bugging me right now. wats bugging me is the fact that most people around us are gripped by feeling of partiality. u have had it in favour of u, u have had it against u, u have done it yourself and u have hated it a gazillion times in ur life. yet, we face it everyday. and it especially hurts when it happens somewhere u are doing well, or atleast trying your best to do u rbest. and wen u see people still liking another person cuz they know them from before, they are friends with them or worst of all, they are prettier, it boils my blood!!! thats one thing i hate in life!!! i hate partial favouritist $#%&*@#! 

well, i guess, of all the things u cant change about life, this is one of them too!!! but if i cud have it my way, i wud tell all those people to get a life and look at things with wider perspective and get their issues straight!!!

too many questions!!!

i have been away from the blogger world for quite some time now! no,it wasnt anywriters' block neither was it the fact that i was totally ground in work.. i just didnt have any inclination to write.. not that anyone was asking me about it, i am still saying it cuz i wanna say it... these past days have been weird, full of ups and downs.. sometimes too much to do, sometimes nth at all!!! sometimes its a full show and sometimes kinda lonely.. thats life summed up but on my part, it was just a summary of these last few days.. over this past time, there are certain things about myself and people around me that i have realised.. i realised how little allthose people i thought knew me, actually know me.. i also realised how difficult it is for me to tlak about myself. i realised it is easy to be lonely even wen u have loads of people around you...


along with these realisations, there were questions that i came up with.. actually questions came up to me.. and now, i cant get them outta my head.
* is it too much to expect someone to understand things you cant say?

*is it too bad a thing to be not able to say things u wanna  say???

*is it okay to be lonely even though you have world's most wonderful friends?

*is it alright to be sad for things u have no clue about, reasons you dont know and things you cant explain?

*is it alright to not wanna meet people, people who love youand you know it?

*is it okay to worry about someone else's share of life??

*is it okay to laugh on outside wen your heart iis crying from within??

*is it okay to wanna run away from eth, shut your self in a room and never wanna come out of it?

*is it okay to still love someone you had wanted to let go off ages ago??


God, this list is endless...... as u people must have known by now, this is not a happy post. i dont know people, it just isnt..and yeah, sth is definitely  bugging me, i just dont know wat is it!!! and no, it isnt a heart ache post about how i am still not over someone.... that might be a component but thats definitely not the whole thing...

just dont know..
all i can think of right now is the famous lines..

                                 har kisi ko mukammal jahan nahi milta,
                                      kisi ko zameen kisi ko asmaan nahi milta...

The secret

would you like to be the secret of someone's life!!???

Just popped into my head while iw as flipping through channels....

cupid, i dont like u much!!!

                                                             
 okay, the title may sound weird at first but trust me, i am a normal girl with no qualm whatsoever with love and associated feelings. infact, i would love to fall in love one day, like all other fellow human beings out there. but yeah, there is somethng in this relation that i do not like. what i don tlike is the initial phases of a thing, just when feelings ae kindling up, just when you are beginning to realise about your feelibgs for someone. call me weird, but thats how it is....
i hate having a crush on someone!!!! i do, i really do!!! okay, to have someone you think about often, which might give you incentive towards something might sound like just added advantages to the fact the your heart is warming up to someone and opening itself to new vistas of life, right? no!!i doesnt.not to  me anyway!. what i think of having crush on someone is that you become constantly aware of someone's presence or absence. what they or how they behave becomes so much more important than it is.you start evaluating their every action with much more detail, much more than you do yours!!!! everything you do, somehow tracks youback to the thought that how might that action of yours affect that person!! now comeon, how well have you done on your exam, tht could not, in whole wide world, affect your crush's feelings. but no, thought is a far fetched thing during that phase of life.
and dont even get me started on what happens when the person u have a crush is in the same room as you. besides the usual tripping, just cuz you were not apying attention to where you were going(do i need to elaborate what were you doing when u werent watching your step!!!), making a fool of yourself in front of an entire room full of people and ofcourse that one blessed read darn soul too, your walk is altered, you cant walk straight neither can keep a straight face even if you are trying your level best to ignore snide remarks or sniggers of your friends at your altered attitude and ofcourse previous tripping session. work at hand seems so less important once that person walks in and yet you try, maybe not frantically, but in subtle ways to work it out in such a way that your crush will notice you. pretty dumb, huh?? not to someone who's been smitten by the love bug!! constant teasing , constant poking, constant craning of neck to see where that one person is, constant loss of attention in your conversation cuz your ears are trying to pick up fragements of conversation going on in other part of room-this is all a part of package deal of CRUSH!!!

but more than all these things what i hate the most about having a crush on someone tht it ruins your chances of having an issueless friendship with someone. and if you, somehow, develop a crush for a friend, well, in some part of wrold that might be a happy scenario, but not in my nook of univrese. i think having feelings associated with a friend complicated matters more than you sign up for.. it does affect friendship somewhere. the pangs of jealousy when your friend mentions othre people, a constant joke of finding each other a corresponding girlfriend/boyfriend starts hurting you when it shouldnt. objectivity goes away from what you say to them and how they respond to your things!!
although crush in itself sounds bad to me, even worse situation is, yes there is a worst case scenario, is when you cant pluck enough courage to tell that person how much he/she means to you. you stand there, waiting for them to somehow seee things you cant bring yourself up to say, for watever reasons. and when they dont, all you are left with is a hurt heart, bruised dignity and a throbbing toe!!

and yet you cant help the stupid thing!! you cant help the warmth that comes to your face when you see that person, you cant suppress the smile when that one person throws back his/her head to laugh at a joke!!! you cant, you just cant help it at all!!!! see what a vicious circle it is!!!
no wonder i hate it!!!

P.S. all the above mentiopned conditions are a result of my case studies on specimens of species homo sapiens going through this condition at some point of time. any resemblance with any person, known or unknown, is purely coincidental. no section of this writing bears any connection to the author except the fact that she thought of all the wonderfull words in her own little head!!

hey guys, wait up!!

she was standing looking out of window of her 34th floor corner office, lost in thought. she had just recvd a letter from her school, god , that was ages ago!!, notifying her abt the ten year reunion. that was odd. just wen life ha dmoving at such a fast pace, wen ties with the old world were as good as broken, this came as a weird surprise. good or bad, she didnt know but this got her thinking.. memories that had been locked up in some box stirred, raised their heads and made their presence felt after wat felt like an eternity......

it was a normal morning. but she woke up dreading every single moment.it was her last official day at school. with their exams over, this was one last day, a day of party at school. yes, their school was giving a party,a farewell party. since it was gonna be a day of fun, wat with exams finally over, she felt she cud spare a moment of relief but somehow that was exactly wat she wasnt feeling. her last two years at school had been full of tumult. with tests, deadlines, assignemnts, more tests, tensions all the time to give it ur all, make it to the best place , life had been one bumpy ride. but even amongst all the tyranny, these two years meant more to her than her entire school life put together.cuz while life was throwing volley of troubles at her, she had found wat she had been looking for her entire life- her frnds!!!!!
just wen she was thinking of her life over past two years, she heard her mom calling,"c'mon sakshi, wake up. madhu is on line". then thinking of all those ppl, she felt that eth wasnt over, she had no reason to be sad, not yet!!!
" hey sakshi. u were asleep???" asked madhu inher excited tone. "naah, i was just up. so tell me, wassup?" said sakshi, still half asleep. "okay, actually i wanted to tell u that we all are gathering upat vinisha's house. u be there by ten. and then we will all go together. and also please bring along some red accessories. i dont really have nay good ones. are u okay?? u sound depressed" said madhu. that was her. she was the one who alwys made plans, informed everyone and was first one to sense someone's bad mood. " naah naah, m fine. i just woke up so thats y i might be sounding like that. i will be there on time and will get watever i have to match ur dress. see ya." said sakshi and she hung up.
"helllo aunty, is everyone here?? is vinisha ready??" asked sakshi as she entered vinisha's house, a little late but still within time limits. "hello sakshi.almost evryone is here. but vinisha, well... she is a differnet story, u know her too well. she just got up." said vinisha's mom. smiling, sakshi went in, only to find mehak screaming at top of her voice " how can u not be ready by now?? u just got up??? now plz hurry up. we are all already late. where is pankhudi??? she is always late. comeon ppl, we cant be late to our own farewell party. thats y i said let everyone be ready by nine. tabhi tum log dus baje tak ready hote..." glad that she, atleast was just a bit out of time slot, sakshi went into the room. minutes went by, and soon pankhudi shuffled into the room."late as usual, arent u??" fumed mehak. "yaar my kinetic. it was puncturd. at last min i got my brother to get it repaired. then the traffic, u know na. sorry." rambled pankhudi, knowin her effort was futile since everyone knew y exactly was she late. she, like vinisha, must have woken up late and then spent hours trying to decide wat to wear etc etc etc." yaar sakshi, are my hair okay?? i dont think so. can sth be done now?? i am not looking too good, am i? i am looking alright, haina?" asked pankhudi trying to fix her hair. "u look great pankhudi" said madhu. " nahi, i dont think so. i think m lookiing a bit blown away." replied pankhudi. " wat?" asked madhu and sakshi together. mehak was too busy fuming and supreet was trying to calm her down. "yeah, blownaway. as in, udi udi. dont u think so??" she said, with a perfectly straight face and then broke into a laughter which continued for some good ten minutes, going from a smile to silent giggles which ended in just her moving crazily with no audible sound coming out to ensure if she was laughing or just choking. finally wen she calmed down, ppl knew, it was just her old hysterical laughter. soon they all got dressed and made it to the spot in time.

party was going on. everyone was having time of their lives."hey guys, lets go see our classroom" suggested sakshi. just as the song was changing. evryone was panting from an hour of dancing, looking flushed but exhilarated all the same. everyone agreed. so they all made their way to their classroom.all went in there. this room had given them some real good and bad memories. " vinisha remember how we always ate our lunch in our botany period on that last bench?" said madhu, smiling. "yeah. and remember wen once we were midway our bag of chips, mam asked me a ques and i had to answer!!" replied vinisha, reliving that moment. "i still dont know how u managed it!!!" said sakshi. " pooch mat yaaar!!" said vinisha. " arrey this chutki is much more shaani than she looks" said madhu, broadly grinning now. mehak said, "remember that time wen ur phone rang in the class, sakshi!! i still remmebr look on goldie's face!!" goldie was their physics teacher and  happened to be in class at time of that incident. his name wasnt really goldie. but somehow this nickname had beaten him in reaching the school. "but he was really nice yaaar." said pankhudi, after she had controlled her silent giggles, as usual!!" u know madhu, i didnt really like u in beginning. i mean, i used to think u were mean and a bighead" said sakshi, kina confessing."wat?? really??" said madhu, amazed. "u know sakshi, i felt that way abt u. i had even heard ppl talking that u were this big head, pain in the ass." butt in pankhudi, with a wicked smile. "now u r kidding, arent u?? " replied sakshi."m telling plain truth." said pankhudi with innocence to beat a three a year old's. "well, in my defence, now u all know how deceptive looks can be" said sakshi, indignanatly. "thats y i never blv mehak wen she says she sayd she is not mad at us and puts up a matching look cuz i know, looks are deceptive!!" said supreet, grinning from ear to ear. they all roared in laughter, with mehak joining in!!! that was one good moment togehter.
shortly  they heard sounds outside the room and knew it was time for princi's speech. so all left the room. sakshi, deep in her thoughts didnt realise everyone had left. she was still thinking abt how that room had changed her life, cuz that was where she had met every single one of the souls that were her treasure now!!! she looke darnd to find herself alone in room. she ran after her frnds, calling 'hey guys, wait up1!!"


sakshi stirred, as if rising from a dream. it was nth short of that. thought of times wen she was with those ppl felt nth else but a dream which was lost now. but the letter in her hand reminded her, the dream wasnt lost, not yet!!!
she made her way to her school. it felt weird. she hadnt been back to the place in ten years. place where she had got virtually her entire education, god, how had it changed. but she wondered if sth of the old buillding wud be retained. most of it had been changed indeeed. reception was much more fancy, gate was much more intimidating, none of the faces looked familiar. eth looked alien and aloof. before she knew, teras were streaming out of her eyes, wondering how much had changed in all these years, worrying if ath wud be same, wondering if anyone wud be same. as she was walking, she saw a familiar corridor and walked along it, forgetting abt the main event going on in the hall. it looked familiar although a lot had been changed here too. paint was different, posters were changed, names of defaulters on notice board were different. she stopped to read some of them and came across goldie's name. god, he was still here!!! maybe he had changed a lot too. wondering if he wud even remember her after so long time, she made a mental note to meet himlater. she proceeded and then, sth more than familiar reached her ears. those were voices she had been yearning to hear like forever now.. with quicker steps, voices growing louder and louder, she made her way to the room. as she took the turn, her heart beating madly within her, she caught the sight she had not thought she wud see in her living moment ever again. as she stopped at the door, five pairs of eyes turned to look at her. her heart skipped a beat. and came back with energy more than she cud handle. the joy was sth she had thought she was incapable of feeling. she had no clue her heart cud show emotions of such magnitude.they were all sitting casually on benches, "we were wondering wat kept u. i was beginning to think u wudnt come at all!!" said vinisha.she was still the same, much older, yes. but still little and blv it or not, she still had her pony tail!!! " i knew u wud come. i kept telling them u wudnt misss it for the world!!" said madhu, as she came forward to hug her. they all came together. god, that was a moment which writers over ages have described as wen the world comes to a standstill. they all felt nth else but the sensation of trembling body next to them, of tears streaming from each eye, of every smile which was curling arnd corners of lips now since the tearful part was over. "i guess we shud go meet the rest of the ppl too. and lets go to my house after this. afterall, our farewell started from my house and our reunion shud involve my house too. wat say??" said vinisha, wiping her face of tears worth ten years. everyone nodded. they all started going out of the room. sakshi was left behind looking for her tissue.

she turned arnd to find her alone in the room. all had left to meet others. thinking things cudnt have changed that much afterall, she rushed after them, smiling all over, calling "hey guys, wait up!!!"....