bliss

for once, i dont care about how this post looks. i dont care who reads this, how many comments do i get or if i got the perfect picture to go with the content of the post, i dont give a damn if this is a poem that rhymes a bit too much. 

for once, i dont give a damn. 

and i hope, i dont ,ever, in future. EVER!!!!

its a bliss to not care,
its a bliss to not know,
its a bliss to not expect,
its a bliss to let go.
its a bliss to be so oblivious,
that you can't see the truth.
its a bliss to be so hard,
that no pain can get through.
its a bliss to not regret,
its a bliss to forget.
it is such a bliss,
to not miss...

finding love

well, i recently came across a story of  two people madly in love with each other. there is nothing new about that bit. they both met at 14, married young and lived a happy life for few years. and then, everything else caught up. work, appointments, deadlines, chores etc etc etc took up that part of life which was meant to be for love. love stayed or died away, i don't know about that but marriage did fall apart. years of separation later, they both run into each other again. well, while the wife was smarting under the awkwardness of situation, the guy, well, he just stared at her. he looked at her and fell in love, again. you see, the guy had amnesia and over those years, he had lost pretty much all his memories. but he met his ex wife and just like so many years ago, fell in love with her again, wondering all the time what could have possibly gone wrong in the world for him to want to leave such a person.

that says something about love, now, doesn't it. we all find it at sometime and we all do something to lose it. some of us get a chance to make up for our mistakes while others aren't so lucky. but the point is that love does exist all the time but sometimes it is forced to take a back seat what with everything else seeming to be so much more important in our life. maybe its human tendency to seek love but take it for granted as soon as we get it.

so if you love someone but have been wondering about righteousness of the whole thing for some time, stop and look again, think few years hence when maybe you wont have the baggage of life. close your eyes and try to look for that person you fell in love with the first time. i am sure beneath all the tensions and everything else going on, you will find that person still waiting for you right there with same look in their eyes that had you hooked the first time!!!! (cuz like it or not, all of us cant be amnesiac)

the friend

DISCLAIMER-  this post is totally a work of fiction and has no truth behind it, but anyone who can even remotely relate to the piece of art, is welcome to share their views. proceed at your own risk!!! 

 (you have been warned)

                                                              

i hate romantic books cuz they make me feel weird. but i love romantic movies. they have a different feel to them. and almost all the movies of this genre seem to have one thing in common, i mean almost all, The Friend. there is always this ridiculously handsome guy who is great and always has an easy way with women. he meets and parts ways with them. love comes and goes from his life and everything goes on. but all this time, there is one person who stays. thats The Friend. sometimes she is in the backdrop and sometimes she is the main protagonist. but the point is that for that guy, she is always this constant presence that he barely recognizes. she is with him through all the love ties he has but she is someone who is taken for granted by the man she not only loves but who happens to be her best friend, which in my dictionary, stakes higher than love. to hell with the fact that sometimes she may get her love in the end and sometimes she may not. thats for the director to decide. but no one seems to notice her pain and feelings of all those years that are stuck up and she has made through her life with them. she sees him fall for someone, smiles indulgently when he declares he is in love with her, looks upon with painful pleasure when he decides to live happily ever after with that other girl ( mostly a  hot blonde chick) and is there when he comes back heart broken. she looks after him, mends his heart painstakingly and makes it capable of loving someone again. but for what? just so that he can go out and give it to someone else. and it doesnt matter how many times this happens before the guy realizes that she is the one! i am not talking about the consequences here, i am talking about the painful process.

                                                                         

who says a girl and a boy can't be just friends? i am a *the friend* and, honestly,  i am tired of it. i am tired of listening other people talk about their love lives, through their break ups and make ups. i am tired of helping him out pick up the right present, the correct venue for her surprise party, of listening him babble continuously about her. i dont want to be just 'the friend' any  more. i want to be more. i want to be special someone for somebody, i want to be someone that somebody waits for, not someone who waits with him for someone else and fades into the darkness of background once she arrives. i want be the subject of someone's dreams not someone who gets a detailed commentary of the dream which was all about her. i want to be the destination, not the path leading up to it...

blogsville...

okay, so i have been gone from this place for quite some time now, not that someone sat and noticed. but the thing is i actually ran out of any stuff to talk about. the urge to write was gone. and even though i tried hard, i just couldnt come up with anything. and if it had come down to trying to write, i was missing the whole point anyway. so i gave up.

recently, when i finally decided that it was time for me to get back in this world, i started working on it. i went through different pages in a hope to be able to find something that would strike a chord and something would stir. so numerous posts, countless words and unimaginable comments later here i am actually writing a post. something did strike a chord after all. and that happened to be the blogsville itself. while i was rummaging through different people's thoughts, poking my nose somewhere, a finger here, an eye there, the thing that struck me the most was the magnanimity of this whole thing. i realized, for the first time actually, what a real cool place this is. unlike the real world, there is a space for everyone to be themselves. there is a hopeless variety of webpages here. someone is talking about their daily life, someone is writing stories, someone is putting up serious questions to think about, someone is being funny, someone is teaching is vocabulary and someone else just being here. no one really knows anyone else here. most people dont even know the real names of people they have met and befriended here. they have never seen each other and yet they are more real than the 'real' world out there in many forms.

some to think of it, it is an interesting spot. you can talk about your heartaches, bitch about your boss, talk about your crush, crack jokes, write funny stories etc etc etc. you could be anyone during the day but here, you can be yourself, if you choose to be. you dont have to pretend to like anything just for sake of it, no need to put up with stuff tat you dont like. you could be in a boring marketing job or have to sit and stare at numbers whole day long to make a living- but when you are here, you can be a kid, an intellectual, the prankster, the funny guy, the witty one, the storyteller, the english teacher or anyone else you want to be. it is all about you and thats gotta be different from the rest of the stuff.

it was not intended to be a post, not that it is actually. only that while thinking about all sorts of things i could write about to actually come back here, i realized for the first time what had i been missing on all these days. i am glad i realized that. so cheers to all bloggers, who like me, know about the real worth of this virtual world.

                                                              
all i can say is, its such a bliss to be back!! ;)

get.set.go.

okay, its been around 15 days since i came back and i am fairly late in posting. but still, better late than never!!!
anyhow, well, we had htis little educational tour thingy this semester (only god knows what was so educational about it!!!) and i was anxious!! yes. okay, i have done my bit of travelling and its not like i was leaving my house for the first time or something yet something bothered me. whenever i thought of 15 days i would have to be away from house, i could never think of fun or good time with friends. it was always with some anxiety (as a result of which my mum had a real clean house, refer to last post for better understanding) but as you can see, a fortnight later, i am still in hangover of that trip. needless to say, i had an awesome time!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, our journey started on a cold jan morning and me crying. yes, i cried before leaving the house (okay, laugh all u want to. so did my sis!!!!) but still, i did. i barley let go of my dad (go on, laugh a bit more). well, we rolled into a sleepy start and before we knew, all of us were having a blast together.
a six hour journey to delhi went in a blink of eye!!! some waiting and we were on our way to hyderabad!! visiting various spots in hyderabad  like the film city, golconda fort, char Minar, NTR garden, birla temple, and many more places that i do not remember right now. a two day stay there went by in a firenze with almost no sleep, lots of travelling, shouting and laughing!!!

next stop was bangalore. after an overnight journey where none of us really had any rest, we reached bangalore which was pleasantly cold after hyderbad's hot weather. although that was just a misunderstanding. two hours into the city and we were beaten in bangaluru's heat!! although, rain came as a pleasant surprise in evening and we all were soaked. running across on roads, in rain, was a first time for me and i daresay, i enjoyed it!!! :P

bangaluru led to mysore which was just as pleasant although i have to admit, i dont remember much of it (except that one of my fav pics was in mysore!! ;) ) a blur of a day in mysore and we moved to ooty. which was freakingly cold. atleast it felt that way after three hot cities. a nice cup of ooty's special tea, lots of shopping, some racket on roads later, we felt very much at ease with this 'queen of hills' town of south!! a night in ooty, with campfire, lots of dancing and singing, we faced an entire day of travelling. back to bangaluru from ooty to take train to goa. 9 hours or something by bus, an entire night's journey in train, and another three or four hours drive and we reached panaji!! goa turned out to be better than i had ever imagined!!!! sunny, sandy and water!!!! i loved it!!!! goa's cruise, beaches, people, drinks, everything about it was awesome!!!!! i dont think we could have had a better place to welcome 2010 than goa. crazy parties, dancing and hell lot of fun!!!!!!!

and then, we moved onto our last spot-- amchi mumbai!!!
to tell the truth, i was very sceptical about the city due its sheer size. but i have to say, i was more than pleasantly surprised to be there. i fell in love with that place. we spent entire two days on roads (we had a hotel, ofcourse. i meant traveling) looking at mumbai in all its glory... juhu beach, marine drive, elephanta caves, essel world, fashion street, the Gateway, the Taj, bandra. kolaba, khar etc etc etc. names i had just heard before, i saw them now and i have to say, mumbai was warmer than i had thought (and i dont mean weather)..



and before we knew, it was time to come back. we took our last train to bring us back home. but it wasnt the end. i would say our journey backhome was one of the best parts of the entire trip. main attraction, friends,of course. on our way back, we did some talking. no actually a lot of talking. for 20 hours straight- nothing but talking. discussing every possible thing in the world, knowing each other for the first time!!

you see, thats wat my biggest fear was. what was i gonna do with people i had spent past three years with but barely knew. but iam glad i went ahead with this thing cuz now i know them real good. i have friends now, real good friends, people i didnt even know existd before are now important to me. and i usually take time making friends!!! so thats saying some thing!
i dunno which part of these 15days was educational but i did learn a lot. i learnt how toplay cards, and manygames at that, i learnt how to carry heavy luggage on stations, i learnt how to adjust with someone who doesnt feel same way as me about the air conditioning of the room, how to manage money without losing it, how to have lots of fun with new people and .....
 how to move on and........


 make new friends!!!!

its clean up time!!!

okay, so with my exams over, there is so much to do yet i cant start. well, just dazed with so much of time after ages!!! anyway, well, just as last exams are hardest to study for and your mind tends to waver to every possible nook of the world other than the text in front of you, my eyes went around my room and i realized it looked a little short of Neanderthals' caves!

well,i had been living in it, with same condition for past one  month but you see, i have this habit. wenever i am anxious, i clean. mess starts to bother me, although i might claim the same mess to be part of my room ten minutes ago! so as u can guess, i was anxious.

this is a habit i picked up i dunno when. before i knew, i was scrubbing my worries away! more was the anxiety, greater was scrubbing and rubbing and varnishing!! i forgot to mention this thing in that list of seven things about myself that no one knew. well, yeah, no one knew about this habit which was such a 'bliss' in disguise! think about it, you are worried, you clean, you feel better and your room's cleaner!!
untill....

until the day my mum found out about it. now, any mum would be pleasantly surprised to see her not-so-tidy kid clean up. constant pestering, a little too many praises and one bright radiant smile and i gave in.
mum: oh, u are cleaning! that is so ...
me: unusual
mum: yeah. and great too.
me: well, ma to tell the truth, i was cleaning cuz i felt terrible and cleaning makes me feel better.
pause
mum: oh..

well, ever since then, this little secret activity of releaving my tension didnt remain , well, a secret. soon, my entire clan knew about it.my mum, u'd expect she'd be glad about occasional cleaning i got down to doing. but somehow, the  whole thing was so much more amusing to her than i had thought..

me:  with a rag in my hand.
mum: what are you up to?
me: nothing. just that stain on mirror was bugging me.
mum: whats wrong?
me: nothing ma.
mum: looks suspiciously then leave the rag alone and go watch t.v.
now thats got to be first time in history that a mom, no, my mom asked me to quit cleaning and watch T.V. :O
but that happened.
me: etching to clean the stain, i tried to leave the room. but when has a mom given up. 
mum: grabs the rag.
me: alright!! stop pestering me! i had a fight with dipti! jeez, ma, umust have been on CIA's interrogation team sometime!!!
mum: smiling all over


 as if that wasnt enough, there is more.

akshay: hey sis, how is it going?
me: great!
akshay: coming today, right?
me:yeah, ofcourse.
akshay: how u feeling?
me: perfect
akshay: oh
me: why??? *very suspicious* 
akshay: oh well, my room's all messy!
dial tone.....


me: looking at the messy tableon my room real closely.
sis: wats up?
yeah, my family is always around to ask 'wats up"
me: nope, nothing. going back to my work.
sis: looks like someone's upset!
me: smacking my head looks like someone talked to mom!
sis: smiling all over

 well, here is this last instance, wen i knew i couldnt take it another bit. i knew i had had enough of jokes, and poking at my silly habit.

me: scrubbing refrigerator
dad: hey, where i that... why are you rubbing this thing?
me: shit! nothing dad. just like that. it was dirty.
dad: looks at me suspiciouly....
dad: okay. go on, but first help me find my glasses!
me: phew!!!!
moving over to help him find his glasses on his head!!!
you see, my dad isnt part of my mom and sisters' gang, being the odd one out!!!

well, no surprise, i gave up that habit or so they think! i still clean wen tensed. i mean, honestly people, this is probably one good habit i have and i wont give it up cuz my mum finds it amusing! i wil fight back!
my fight for my rights to vent my feelings in watever weird way i'd like to! even if that means i do it secretly now!!!
thats my own little rebellion...

where are all the Indians!!!

alright, i am gonna get straight to the topic since i am so in a no-nonsense mood.. anyone would be, being stuck in their house for three whole days, with nothing to do but study, of course, worry about the exams that  might never happen and a stupid curfew.
yes, its third day today and a fourth one of similar nature is almost sure. and for all those who dont know wat am i talking about, i am talking about the aggressive situation building up in Punjab. what started as a minor rift between cops and some people became a big protest including firing, tear gas, swords(yes swords) and what not. people have dies, many have been injured and yet the situation seems on verge of going out of hands..
i am not going to get into 'why cant govt do something about it' or 'what are the police doing' crap cuz they have nothing to do with it. if things are going bad or have gone bad in past, thats cuz we let them.

i wonder, when has India been a country?? its always been in bits-sometimes called provinces, sometimes colonies, sometimes castes and sometimes states. but never a nation as a whole. and who is responsible for tearing it apart every single day even without their knowledge- us of course. we are doing it, every day, ever moment and dont even know about it.
why cant we let humans be humans alone?? why do they have to come so many tags? is being an Indian or above all a human not enough?? if classification's what we are looking for, go look humans up in any biology book. you'd find classification long and complex enough to satisfy your whims.
please let people be!!!! states, castes, races, areas, religion, majority, minority- name it and we have a way to divide ourselves...
i dont get it at all!!!! i mean, here we are, sitting inour homes, terrified,somewhat yes, wondering wats going to happen.
forget about the ethics, if you wanna talk present, think about all the economy thats suffering and that suffers each time an Indian decided to flare his sword at another Indian, think of lives that are disrupted each time we decide to weaken ourselves in name of whatever is the latest trend!!!!

tell me one part of this secular, proud-of-its-diversity-of-religions country that has not bled in name of communalism!!! Mumbai, Delhi, Punjab, Gujarat, Jammu and Kashmir- which not!!!!

come on guys, what are we doing??!! what are we waiting for? no one is gonna tell us to stop doing it until we do it ourselves. there is not going to be any divine intervention cuz all the divinity is wasted on making us humans-something we are definitely not good at!!!!!!!
lets not wait for another 1984, 26/11, or another 50 years of terrified Kashmir.
honestly, i could go on and on about this. this is a sort of wrath i have never felt before, and i get angry a lot!!!!!! so thats saying something...
i have said all i had to, okay maybe bits of it. but is anyone listening???